March 17, 2009

The art of letting go

We've all heard about this.. hell we've all contended with this at some point of time or the other with something/someone or the other. The way we react to some things or people is a chemical reaction that has nothing to do with the way you would like to react. And more often than not, the two don't match. You don't want to like someone but you do. You don't want to be bothered by something but it gets to you. But at some point or the other, we've got to learn to let go. That's the only way to remain sane and oh-oh cliché, move on. We'd all like to believe that we are supremely above the influence and that we don't get affected by such silly matters... but the bare facts are that everyone's bothered by someone and no one can wear the skin of 'not-caring' that convincingly. It's almost always a work in progress.

While I pride myself on not dwelling at something too much... yesterday something happened that made me realize that you can try and try and try to be nice to someone but it may not necessarily yield to anything from their end. And for no apparent fault of yours in the first place. In such cases, a devil-may-care attitude works best... but I was unnaturally bugged. The funny part was that I never expected any more or any less from the whole experience.. but the fact that the end result matched my own measly expectations bugged me. And I fumed on for a while before I realized that this was what I needed to let go. To get to actually not caring from pretending not to. In every such case, there is that one point where the attempt snaps and contempt is born. I had reached mine. And you know it when it happens. It's very tangible. Sometimes, you just have to let go for the better things to surface around you.

18 comments:

Nitya said...

Yes, getting to actually letting go from pretending to do so is indeed a challenge. And you're right as always - we are ALL bothered by something or someone without wanting to care. I've discovered that the best solution is to stay away from the person/issue and get busy with life till it all blows over. Of course, that approach is the last resort - after an attempt to resolve it by communication has failed or yielded bitter results.

Jaya said...

Nitya -> Trua, also. Well in my case it's easier coz I don't have to deal with it everyday... but only every now n then. So it's probably easier than if it were a colleague or something, you know? But totally agree that if communication fails, nip it off!

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your posts a long time. Itz amazing that the quality of your posts hasn't gone down at all. Infact every now and then you come up with gems like this one. Excellent work.. congratulations on the good stuff :-)

Sang said...

I agree with Nitya to an extent..But if the person involved is someone you care for, then you would want to resolve any misunderstanding...So "I don't care" attitude may not work in such cases
As Jaya pointed out, if the person is someone you don't have to deal with often, then why not ignore?

Jaya said...

Anon -> Thank you so much. You made my day :)

Sang -> Well even if it is someone you care about, in case they don't care about you, why should you? It's a paradox of sorts but you got to do what you got to do.

Vidhya said...

Sometimes I am absolutely amazed that I am bugged by a certain person. Because I am like I didn't expect anything more from this person then why the irritation. But I have realized this is because even though I think I have accepted the person for who they are, its not true. Deep down I still expect more of them. So sitting down, going over every incident and then truly accepting the person for who they are helps.
No more false hopes then..

Jaya said...

Vidhya -> That's true too.. but it's like what I said... you WANT your reaction to be different from the one you HAVE. And it takes a while to cross over to really not getting bothered.

Ram said...

A thought provoking piece indeed. It is true that those things that you want to pretend to be cool about, are not real. They or their actions, past or present, keep haunting you and even if you blasted the heart outta the people we're talking about, it still never leaves you and some things just don't get all right. But hopefully, you've only been trying to be good legitimately.

Yes, like Nitya says, getting away is one solution, but only if you truly and wholely can and of course we are just not talking physically.

Over the years, the only way I have found solace is to (ahem.. ahem.. idealistic alert ahead...) be at my best behavior in front of these characters and totally ignore or let go of anything untoward they may come up with... you do need 2 hands to clap with... otherwise you know who slapped and hell yeah.. they'll know it too.

Kathleen McGiveron said...

If only it was that easy. I can let go of failed art peices and know when to declare it pointless to try and fix... I can let go of physical object... but emotion with people? Another story.

Love your blog layout design... Impressive :)

Anonymous said...

hey,
I've sometimes felt that a few of your posts are too self absorbed for my liking, and all that... and I dont even know you!

This one, however, with this one, you've earned my admiration. I loved it. And especially as someone who finds this very issue a chronic obsessive problem almost every other day of my life, it struck a chord like no other.

Good work. and keep writing :) I'll visit, and this time with a more open mind.

Dilip said...

hmm, the title of the post pulled me to read the post. Yes, its something all of us have to contend with at some point or the other. But sometimes its not a conscious decision, its sub-conscious, we let go without our knowledge...

Jaya said...

Bala, Kathleen and Dilip -> Thank you so much. Keep coming back... Dilip, sometimes you have to consciously tell the subconscious to let go :D

Anon -> Gee, thanks, for the "insult" I mean... And well considering that it is a blog about what goes on in my life, no wonder it's "self-absorbed". Anyhow, glad I managed to impress you on this count at least and that you'll visit back with an open mind. Thanks!

Sachin said...

It's good to know that you decided to let go, since the person is not worth you. You have better people to look at in your life.
Consider that it was a sort of bad time in your life that you came in touch with them and be happy that now you are out of it. Its a bit similar to what you have already managed to do with some other people.

Jaya said...

Sachin -> Yes... thank you. Well I guess you need to meet all sorts of people to value the really good ones. And everything in life is a lesson. :)

Archana said...

J - sometimes the things that you write...its scary! I see so much of me in you and/or vice-versa..its not even funny..esp when something similar happens at around the same time and I think...I need to post this..and then I never get around to because of things and then I read the exact same thoughts 3 days later! Couldn;t agree with you more..btw..have you read "The Secret"? It goes on and on about the power of thoughts...When you really dont want something to happen/like..it actually happens..because subconsciously you're drawing too much attention to it..

Archana said...

Correction..not as much the things you write..but I meant..when you write the things that I think too..Just landed 30 mins ago..and extremely groggy..:D later..!

Jaya said...

Archu -> Thanks babe... Totally agree with you. The 'payee' thing was on the top of my head to write n you did it first... but I nodded along all over your post coz its the exact same thing!! Thanks n keep visiting! :)

Jaya said...

Archu -> Get some rest, girl!

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