March 20, 2009

Kaliyug

Kaliyug: The age of vice according to Hindu mythology. And we are currently living in it.

I wish it were just a fancy Hindi movie. Unfortunately, I am referring to the times we live in… and particularly the Matrimonial not-so-blissful experiences that I’ve seen people and heard of people endure through the whole matchmaking and way past it as well.

Idhelaam enga kaalathila nadandhirkave nadandhirkaadhu (None of this would’ve happened in our day)My Paati (grandma) sagely says. And while I wish a smart response sprung to my lips, I know what she’s saying is true. And it’s probably because many women in the old ages in India at least, were cowed down by the more dominant men-of-the-times. Under-educated and wholly dependent on the husband as the bread-winner, with their lives entirely revolved around him and the kids. It became a management game of meeting ends and putting food on the table and taking care of the children’s needs and so little else encompassed their lives. I speak for the majority and as with everything there have been exceptions to every example. But coming to the crux of this discussion, these days I hear of so many weird stories in the whole matrimonial dance which are shocking to me, to start with. And hence I can’t even begin to comprehend what the older generation thinks of it. Of course I am a tad conventional in all this… and so hearing about these incidents truly rattles me. Married with kids abroad, but yet in the matrimonial pool gutless to expose the truth… Gay but marrying for the sake of society… Illicit lover abroad… marrying for a visa into another country.. I’ve heard it all, read it all in the news and elsewhere. Or so I think. Each brand new day reveals more of the adulterous side to the human nature. More deceptions… more heartbreaks and ultimately more match-breakdowns. Erstwhile, ours was a culture that prided itself on having some of the lowest divorce rates in the world. To hear the older generation quote it, “In our day, divorce was not an option”. Well, the complexion of that claim sure has changed these days.

With the already hard arranged marriage scenario, one has to now contend with the extra degrees of freedom thrown into the equation. How then does one know that they are doing the right thing? Here’s the catch – you don’t. It’s what everyone will tell you. Go with your gut… and hopefully if it’s led you along the right path, it will in this accord too. And if it didn’t? There’s always more hope out there… try and get out unscathed or at least with minimal damage. As always, easier said than done. But that’s how it is in Kaliyug and we’ve got to deal with it.

20 comments:

rajni said...

In the States, the generation before us, where the divorce rate is above 50%, was a generation deluded by misconceptions and balancing a new found freedom of women etc etc. Our generation, now, seeing all this, is much much more weary of the institution of marriage and therefore either will not get married, but have live in relationships and/or get married much later in life - instead of marrying and getting a divorce. I see that happening in India now. Our generation and a significant percentage of our parents generation are going through a substantial transition phase, where old and new are colliding and new sets of rules are being developed. New technique/ideas of living are being standardized there (west meeting east on a much more concentrated level) These reasons are a huge chunk as to why divorces are becoming more and more heard of in the Motherland(India). Our parents/g.parents generations teach our generation but in substantially different angles (M.Land vs U.S).

Jaya said...

Rajni -> Totally agree... No, I am not opposed to divorce as such... Considering there's no merit in being stuck in a dead-end marriage.. one might as well seek out and free two people in the process to do as they like in future. I am just talking about the reasons behind a lot of these dis-connections. Had it been solely personality issues n such, it wouldn't be shocking. But it's all the adultery and the deceptions that take it a step further... and really that's what this post was about. Thanks for visiting n commenting!

rajni said...

UGH i know! the Adultery/deception is a ridiculous concept! These individuals would make statements like: "Nature did not mean to have monogamy and since man is an animal stemming from the evolutionary process, then Man has a very hard time being monogamous bc of this inherent "nature" traits. My response: "Bullll!!!! Monogamy is WHY you are a MAN with a BRAIN and not an ANIMAL"
I swear Di, Common sense is the MOST uncommon thing in humans. lol

P.S - I love your blogs :) i have to get back into writing mine. I've not written in 6 weeks!!!

Jaya said...

Rajni -> Thanks a ton sweetie.. Yes u shd get back to writing. I enjoy your blogs too :) Thanks again for visiting n commenting!

Ram said...

Divorce and the reasons leading to it are such a catastrophe! Unfortunately, these are things that have been imported into India. I must say we are paying a huge import duty on this. Call me old fashioned, but I think the best picture is still one man for one woman.

I know there are times when this does not work, but making it work is each one's responsibility. If you can't compromise, or want a buffet style dinner, do us all a favor and don't marry. Die an uncompromising single death. That is still a much better example to set to the society.

Think about the consequences a divorce has on your kids. How fair is it to them? Adultery is such BS! C'mon find better things to do together.

Marriage for opportunistic reasons? Huh.. that's disgusting, really. Even commenting about such people is a waste of my time! They are the true achooths in this world.

Jaya said...

Bala -> Totally agree n hence is the entire point of my post. Liked the way you caled it "buffet style". It's so true. Like in the western world where people can go on without marrying and yet lead content lives or here in France were you can do a "union" but need not marry and still have tax benefits n stuff.. Instead people go on to take the plunge for so many wrong reasons. Have read/heard one horror story after another. Thanks for the insight!

Priya said...

Jaya this is a good post reflecting a lot of real life scenarios. Good job!

Jaya said...

Priya -> Thanks a bunch... Visit panindu iru :)

Sandy said...

Like Rajni said, I think this generation is fairly clear about what they want from marriage or whether they want it at all. But maybe all the thought given to expectations from the partner combined with values instilled in us about the institution of marriage leads to Jitters and commitment phobia. Perhaps going with ones gut and taking things as they come help with some things in life....

Jaya said...

Sandy -> Agreed also. But if people are *SO* clear, they should stick to what they want instead of succumbing to societal pressures.. which is sort of the point of the post. People have got to have the guts to follow their gut and do as per it... Wish the new generation with the new outlook were able to pull it off. From the many horror stories I have read about, it appears like only the worse ones make the news. The good ones remain buried and unspoken about... as in many cases. Thanks for the comment, Sandy.

Sandy said...

Sometimes being clear about not wanting marriage isnt acceptable to parents which is understandable. So in the process of attempting to see whether a relationship might convince them they either get convinced or break a few hearts...Lets hope this generation learns to strike the right balance.

Jaya said...

Sandy -> Genuine issues like that are okay as long as they really try to make it work... My point was more the adultery. And I know you get that :)

Vidhya said...

I would like to bring in the cases where people cheat after being married for sometime. Now in these cases they were committed in the beginning but somewhere along the line the chemistry fizzled out. Some of these people know exactly what is missing but somehow would rather blame their partner than do anything about it themselves. And in some of cases they would rather settle for the excitement of an affair than deal with the real issue. I guess I just wanted to say that issues of people growing apart, adultery and divorce is probably all mingled with some people choosing adultery over divorce.

Vidhya said...

Also, the key in all the cases mentioned in your post is that all these people choose the easy path. They choose to play with/ruin somebody else's emotions/life rather than take some tough decisions and have difficult conversations.

Krish said...

I think if you read the post and all the comments together, it makes for a nice and diverse reading viewpoint from a variety of people. Like everyone has pointed out and as you intended to perhaps... people just took the easy way out in the cases that gt publicized. Like you've said, only the bad ones get the publicity. Interesting post that allows for many interpretations and opinions.

Gandalf said...

I agree with Sandy and Vidhya here. "Easy way out" is the the thread holding all these losers together. Interesting post, Ms J. And like Krish pointed out, it makes jolly good reading once you piece in the comments as well.

Radhika said...

Very interesting and diverse post, Jaya. Maybe a little sensitive also. But ya, seriosuly I have read so much of horrible things happening around in India through the news and online websites and all that this post strikes it's center. Good job.

Jaya said...

Vidhya, Krish, Gandalf and Radhika -> Many thanks for all your comments. Like you've all pointed about, it's not about doing the easy thing.. rather it's more about being "person" enough to deal with the hard situations as well.. And yeah, I read the whole post and long list of comments after and like some of you've said, it's quite a diverse read with many opinions being pitched in. Thanks y'all, once again n keep visiting!

Anonymous said...

You are able to bridge the gap between our age and yours very well.

Jaya said...

Anonymous -> Thanks a ton. Please keep visiting :)

Post a Comment