March 25, 2009

The restless mind

Abdul Kalaam: A dream is not what you see in sleep. A dream is what does not let you sleep.

However I am talking about the kind of mental unrest that results from some form of unfinished business. An unfinished task at work… an unfinished conversation with someone… the unfinished book… all of these are potential causes for a restless mind. And someone like me is pretty deeply affected by it. I can’t even break a book at a very interesting point without going a bit further and leaving it at a point where I can make peace with it and get a night’s rest. As weird as I am, if I leave some work behind, it haunts me in my dreams. I am a dreamer. I have dreams almost every night and I can remember most of it in the morning, color and all. I remember the time when we were learning Calculus in School. Every night, a different mathematical expression would present itself to my sleeping brain, which would then tirelessly perform continuous integrations and differentiations, whatever the case maybe on it till I got up exhausted, not having gotten a wink of actual sleep.

I think the real reason that such things affect people like me is that there is no closure in those situations. Even in the smallest of things. There is no conclusion to a certain thing which leaves a lot to the imagination. And having had no lack of that, it leaves me completely at unrest. A lot of them these days, turn into blogs as you regulars must be reading. But some others haunt me till I can ‘complete’ it. The different possibilities till one real ending are boundless. The end of a book… the settlement of an argument… the completion of a task at hand and so on are my closure elements. And I need them. They give me the sense of fulfillment and I need it for my sanity as vague and weird as it may sound. And if I am denied of the closure, it robs the pleasure of the whole thing. I know people for whom it doesn’t matter. It’s just a book/movie… who cares who won… can we not discuss it at all? Nope… doesn’t work for me. Which is one of the reasons that in all of my blogs for example, I need a closing statement. Something that effectively concludes a discussion. Ever noticed? This is your chance.

7 comments:

Footloose said...

I did notice and I have marveled at how you manage to end your posts with such finality. Always!
I'm the opposite for the most part. My thoughts are often unfinished or so conflicted that I can't decide which way I want to swing.Hence, my posts often start on one idea and end (or just hang loose) or another train of thought. Sometimes, I get impatient midway through and I end so suddenly that you can tell I lost interest right there! I'm going to work on it though. You keep rocking it girl! :)

Footloose said...

Oh but except the blog posts, I need closure on everything else you mentioned!

Jaya said...

Footloose -> Thanks again N.. Yeah, I thot we were very similar in these aspects and was surprised to think, reading the first comment that closure didn't matter much. Good u clarified it on the second one! Thanks n keep visiting!

Gandalf said...

Interesting... but I m guessing it's more of a girl thing than for guys. My gf must have the final word in all of our fights too.. Whereas as guys, we're pretty laid-back about all these things. Or maybe the very sensitive variety do care.

Anonymous said...

I cannot sleep if there is a cricket match the next day...My mind starts a virutal pre match.i visualize all the shots i will play the next day..and as they say " u are dreaming"...it happens i never get to play any of those shots and get out for a Duck :D

Jaya said...

Anon -> I know just who you are... Pretty soon... u're gonna get a century :D

karmanna said...

yoga!! it changed my whole living habit....
the looping of same problem and problem solving inside my skull made me too tired and exhausted in the morning...

i feel different now ..
try it out .. if u have not started it yet :-)

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