November 18, 2008

Vile vibes

Ever felt sometimes that someone didn't like you? Everyone tells you that you are imagining it and that there's nothing like that. You may agree with them in public but you just know that you are right about this. I have met a few people I know don't like me. Most of the time I don't know the reason why but nevertheless I find it amusing. I know some people who can't stand being disliked by others... but to me, it doesn't matter all that much. But I am stuck with the conventional question of how I deal with such people. Of course not everyone who dislikes you shows it very directly, which would make it easier to respond in an equivocal manner. It's all about the vibes usually. And sometimes you just have to play nice for the sake of the others involved. Like be civil to one another. I am great at that (or so I think)... but others aren't that subtle apparently. I remember this one colleague of mine who evidently did not like me at all. She was not-so-subtle about it either and my continued assertion to another colleague about it was met with denial until one day he confirmed that it was true and for some absolutely silly reason. I was right about that anyway. And that's just one of the examples. But it does beg the question as to what extent you actually need to go to in the name of nicety. Is it better to be a bit upfront and make it obvious that the most you're doing with someone is be civil in public or is it better to pretend getting along for everyone else's benefit? I guess it varies with the situation. In that if you were to deal with someone on a day-to-day basis, it would just make sense to sort out the differences and get along being politically correct rather than have a cold war even. And like VR and I were discussing, often times, you can't help it. Sometimes people dislike you for a variety of reasons - that you're loud or forward or sophisticated or confident (read too-sure-of-yourself) or you-name-it. And if you did bring it up, who's ever going to name any of the reasons above to try and sort it out? Very few... and in such situations... ignorance is bliss. I suppose it's better to pretend not to notice and go along with it. I figure I am harping over here a bit. I'd love to hear all of your opinions on this. Comment away!

PS: Notice how 'vile' is an anagram of 'evil'? But it's also an anagram of 'live' :D. So, scratch that!

15 comments:

Navneet said...

I wonder who this 'colleague' is. Anyways all your roommates in Cincinnati were always bitching about other females.. so its not new. :P BTW...is VR = Vidhya Rammohan?

- Navneet

Navneet said...

And you got me scratching on the vile, evil, live anagram thing. Very extremely positively interesting!

Ram said...

well, people have choices, even among those who they like. So, yeah, there's nothing to get bummed about by someone not liking you. The reasons for dislike vary as much as people do. But after all, is there anyone who is still living and liked by ALL?

Jaya said...

Navneet - Thanks :D. VR is Vidhya.. hehehe. And yeah, bitching is one thing. You inadvertantly bitch about people you like too... once in a way anyways. But actual dislike is harder to come by and sometimes even harder to detect. That was the object of the post... hehe. Thanks Navneet n keep visiting!

Jaya said...

Bala/Ram -> True. Nobody can claim universal popularity... But I find it funny when some get irked when they find out that some others don't like them.. Haha. That's all. I on the other hand find it amusing.

Navneet said...

I find it best to use the easy approach... it's called "screw you!".

Predictably, this often is followed by the adoption of the same approach by the protagonist. But it anyways was that way... so yeah... "screw you!" again. :D

Jaya said...

Navneet - sometimes it's not easy. What if you have to interact with this person(s) often? It makes it uncomfortable for all in that case. Unless you are thinking - screw them too!

Navneet said...

By "screw you!", I meant a non-verbal, silent "screw you!". I dont make a conscious effort to start a conversation with this person in public, or with friends. But I also dont utter expletives when this person starts a conversation... I instead answer just what exactly is needed, without being rude. No more, no less.

Jaya said...

Navneet - well then that sort of blends with my pretence theory. So we are on the same page. :)

groovygal said...

Don't stress over people who don't like you n all. Everyone has people like that in their lives. I bet you dont like some ppl either. So itts all a vicious circle. So everyone shd deal with it n chill. For yr part u r dealing pretty well with it if u do do what u wrote. Also, I love the look of yr blog. it'vs very original. Good work.

Jaya said...

Groovygal -> Yeah I guess you are right. Thanks for visiting and keep coming back! :)

sivakumar said...

hey what is that silly reason? I am just curious..

Siva

Sachin said...

I think dislike is a side-effect of popularity. So, when u know this is the reason, u shud actually be happy, proud, egositic that u are popular. Maybe that is why it amuses u.

And if u can't avoid interacting with such ppl, u shud keep ur good work, and sometime they will realise that u r actually a very good person. Coz first impressions can be wrong and some ppl conclude just based on the first impression.

Jaya said...

Siva -> Kadhai in person :D

Sachin -> I guess popularity is on of the unmentioned reasons too. But it doesn't make one happy/proud/egoistic as you say. Rather it's something that cannot be helped, thus the amusement. Because in such a case, the problem is on the other side and not your own. I do agree first impressions are lasting, though never concrete. In fact my first opinion of almost everyone eventually undergoes a change somewhere down the line.

Nitya said...

totally hear ya! It makes me very uncomfortable when someone evidently dislikes me and I'm forced to hang out with them. If I happen to really like that person, I'd just ask them about it but when I myself don't care for that person too much - I just boil silently every time I'm subject to their coldness/weirdness around me.

Post a Comment