August 20, 2009

The Friendship Ebb

Well, we've all heard about the "web of friendship" - that impenetrable fortress that forms around you and your precious friends circle. But have you experienced the "ebb" of friendship? No? Try getting busy for over a year, then consider getting married and then try contacting your friends. Suddenly there are gaps in conversation that were unthinkable back in the days you spoke for hours together even when you spent the entire day in one another's company. You don't share that common thread that held you together anymore. Of course a special few transcend this phase and stand the test of time. But not all make it. And it's not a walk in the park once you run into those people. Sure there's stuff to talk about but it's so not like before. The pauses are very obvious, as is the lack of common ground or the interest in the new pursuits of the people involved. If you are someone with a knack for small talk, then that works a bit. If not, both of you suffer through the ordeal counting the seconds to a decent interval at which you can make an excuse to get the hell out of the place. After one of these encounters I was a touch sad. I guess that's where the social networking sites like Facebook, Orkut help the others just keep aware of what's going on at the minimalist level and beyond, for the more snoopy ones. On the brighter side, it's the encounters like this that make you treasure the really close ones. And probably makes it worthwhile.

8 comments:

Saumya said...

I totally agree with you. I recently had this conversation..hmm..lets say with "X" and we grew up together and everything but we didnt have ONE common ground of interest..its like even though for the initial years we were together for evrything, our lives had taken us on such different paths that we couldnt even make small talk..lets say i couldnt make small talk..haha..she was better at it than i am..yeah and it made me sad too..its an isolating experience.

Jaya said...

Saumya-> Yeah yeah.. my feeling exactly.. You ramble on aimlessly till one person has the sense to break the painful conversation. The problem is you are left behind with a very void realization that things have definitely changed. And none of you are the same person that you knew before and hence, things aren't the same either. Sigh!

Madhumathi said...

For some reason, your post reminded me of a scene in "Friends". Ross & Mike (Phoebe's BF) are left alone in Ross Apartment while Racheal & Phoebe are out at a pub, the awkward silence between the 2 is certainly hilarious....
Though ur post is not very related to this situation(as in they were not friends earlier) but i am sure, its no different between friends also...

Jaya said...

Madhumathi-> Your comparison brought a smile to my face... though they are pretty dissimilar situations,they share the common discomfort.. Lol. Thanks for visiting n commenting. :)

Gandalf said...

Very thought-provoking. I think the fact that I have a girlfriend whose rambling i am now used to listening to, makes it easier on me to meet all these people who've dropped off my face of the earth. that way I am now good at feigning interest, pretending to be involved and voicing a few relevant words here n there and finally earn the tag of "good listener". Give it a shot.. it's worth it ;)

Jaya said...

Gandalf-> Is this girlfriend fictitious or are you unnecessarily brave? :D Thanks for making laugh once more. :)

Shant said...

Always true and very true in my case - I cudn't even get along with my school mates, with whom I used to spend more than 12 hours. The variety in the conversation does not exist as it used to be. The innocence has gone.. something has creeped in .. something is stopping ..probably an identity crisis :). Yes, social networking sites doing a good job in this direction - but the net savvy..

Jaya said...

Shant-> My point exactly.. once the common thread (that college/school/university) between you is broken, it takes more than small talk to keep the friendship alive. In many cases, it just doesn't cut it. Thanks for the comment and keep visiting.

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