The idea behind this post just sprung from a chat conversation with my bro. We were discussing the ongoing bride-hunt for a cousin bro, who is I am unhappy to say younger than me. He barely turned 25 a few months ago and out came the horoscopes and the whole rigamarole of mixing and the matching began. I expressed my views on the whole new arranged marriage deal in this post. Hearing about it all over again, this time with a cousin was a reaffirmation of how the process hasn't really come a long way from back in the days when my parents got married (except for the technology that is).
Wanting to probe into this deeper, I actually asked my Patti, whom I consider a key figure in expediting wedding procedures (well if you think she's been patient in my case, I assure you that it has taken her monumental effort and the only reason she's as cool as a cucumber is that she didn't have any searching to do!) a whole bunch of nagging questions.
Me: Avanuku ipo kalyanam pannikarthuku enna avalo avasaram? Innum 1-2 years pogatume. (Whats the rush for him to get married? Can't it wait a couple of years?)
Patti: Illa dee... Iruvathi anju vayasu ayachu... Engineering mudichachu.. nalla velaila irukan... samblam koodindu iruku... Jaipur la thaniya irukane... Kalyanam aana veeta paathuka yaravadhu irupa la... (No dee.. He's 25, Has completed a degree in Engineering, has a good job, has an increasing salary, is alone in Jaipur.. If he gets married there will be someone to take care of the house)
Me: Basically, veeta paathuka dhaan pondati. (You need a wife to take care of the house?)
Patti: Cha cha.. Illa dee... Avanuku vela velaiku vidha vidhama samachu poda yaravadhu irupa la... (Not at all.. Someone has to be there to cook a large variety of food for him for every meal)
Me: So samayalkaari nu solla vare.. (Oh you need a cook then..)
Patti: Paithyakara thanama edhavadhu solladhe.. Kala kaalathuku kalyanam panna dhaan azhaga irukum. Apram aathukararku samaikardhoda enna velai? (Don't talk nonsense. If you get them married early only, it looks nice. What better work than cook for the husband?)
Thats what I am talking about... Most single men away from their mollycuddled homes tend to get married early... not because they are financially sound and can support another individual, etc. But from the elderly perspective apparently to have a cook free-of-charge! I am not generalizing... For all I know, this is a TamBrahm trait.
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11 comments:
J
Maybe your cousin is letting ur family believe wat they want to believe..
Maybe his reasons are different..One of the biggest reasons I could think of is company..
Who would know better than us how horrible being lonely is..Making friends is not as easy once u start working..don't ask me why..thats the way it is..
I would like to think he has better reasons to get married than the ones the families come up with..
vidhya
Vidhs-> I am sure he does.. I was just mentioning the way my Patti perceived it.. Typical.. "Samachu poda" and u know exactly what I mean.
Hey.. when you mentioned this upcoming post in the chat, I wouldn't wait for it! It was smaller than expected.
A Few things...
When it comes to Paati, she'll care foremost about her party, in this case, our cousin bro. What about our cousin bro or for that matter you or me does she care about most?
Even before career comes well being. Well being comprises of
a.) Good health, which you can pray and get treated for.
b.) Good wealth, which you can and are working for.
b.) Good food, which you can cook and if you can't go to restaurants for, in which case you'd be risking factor a... or better still, get someone who can cook for you.
But contrary to what Vidya speculated, if this is something that Paati heard from our cousin bro, there is no basis to it.
I also throw the "over-generalization" card for her comment that we find fewer friends at work than at school. It would have been kind of accurate if she'd said, "we find fewer friends that care at work than at school".
Overall, opinions and comments are specific to the eye of the beholder. For instance, the same Paati would not be saying that she wanted to get you married because she wants you to go and cook for someone else.
So, in conclusion, rather than generalize this a tam-bram phenomenon, I would think about this as plain hypocrisy guy side vs gal side that's all.
I did not read your arranged marriage thingie until I read this post and I do have a bulk load of comments for that one.. perhaps some other time though.
I have heard this many many many times and wondered if this is the only reason men (esp. those living alone) are rushed into marriages.
'paavam, thaniya irukaan...samachu podarthuku aal venum illai' has been the reason I have heard a zillion times and gave me a kind of marriage-phobia some years ago.
'Thaniya irukaan'..companionship is one thing but 'samachu podarthukku aal venum' has always made me shudder and wonder if women are only cook-ers.
Ram-> Its interesting to see the guy's perspective here... And the entire post was purely based on what the elders thought was a good reason to get the children married. I am sure that the cousin bro has better reasons to get married besides companionship and readymade food. And ofcourse Patti doesnt envision me cooking away for some guy. She is plain biased. And the reason she's changed her reasoning for me IS me. :)
Rads-> Seriously.. When my patti and others make statements like this, I feel violated and reduced to no more than a cook-er.. But I guess like Ram has pointed out.. its pure bias and varies when the girl is YOUR girl.
i must add that i have heard many men say the same thing, and very seriously..
say, when they complain of not having good food, they say 'yaar...need to get married'.
on the same note, how would men react i wonder, if women look at manolo blahnik shoes that they cant afford by themselves and say..'i need to get married'
So the women are gold diggers?
And the men are slave hunters?
But I must add, NOT all men and women are like that :)
P.S : A lot of blundering typos in the prev comment, which is why I had to delete and recomment. Why cant blogger have an 'Edit Comment' thingy?
Supera irunthuthu.....mukkiamma antha "kala kaalathula" (thats the best one)....intha paatikulaam vera velaiyyae illa...(genearlizing...)
Rads-> Thats the worst-est part about Blogger.. And after that it wont even show that the comment is never there. Instead, it'll say - This comment has been deleted by the author. Crazy!
Thanks Bala -> Keep visiting
Ananlum ippudi Tambram communitya total kevala padutha koodathu. There are enough examples of role-reversals between men and women these days. Any day making sambhar is more fun that making boring presentations....
interesting viewpoints...but hey i think what ur patti wanted to say and dint convey is that...beyond a point of time in life u do get lonely mostly due to the fact that making new friends is a lil difficult and ur old friends arent really there...i think thats one of the main reasons for the survival of this institution called marriage...but hey everyone's biased...after all wouldnt life be dull without difference of opinions and arguements based on that :)
btw i just saw the old post abt the arrenged marriage phenomonen...seriously scares me....must try and fall in love before something like that happens to me :)
Santhosh -> I totally agree on the sambar vs presentation debate.. I dont mean to say that cooking for yr hubby is derogatory in any manner. This post was just the antediluvian views that the elders seem to share and how the scales tip when the girl/boy belongs to their side.. so.. take it easy!
Sud -> Well the arranged vs love is just the way I perceive it.. There is absolutely nothing wrong in a good old-fashioned arranged marriage. The best of us have gotten married that way with virtual 100% success rates.. So take it as it comes and predetermining anything doesnt help... So, cool it :)
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