Mum’s the word..

In honour of Mother’s Day, no matter how recently we started celebrating it in the form of gifts, ecards or otherwise, I am not going to crib about how the gift giving industry has commercialized every relationship we’ve ever had with cards, gifts and a “day” to celebrate. But this being one of the most significant relationships of all for all the fortunate people in the world, it’s special. And no word brings a glow as strong as the word “Mom”. Now, please decode into your respective languages or the respective ways you address your moms. Because to me, somehow, “Mom” signifies a person in a pristine white apron baking some goodies over the kitchen oven, thanks to the stereotypical representation in various contexts of the western world. So for me, it’s always been “Amma”. But, of course. And I am not here to belittle her accomplishments, her sacrifices and her irreplaceable role in my life by putting them into mere words. Instead I am going to keep it short and keep this as a dedication to all the Moms in the World.

Happy Mother’s Day! Love you, Amma.

Great expectations

Ah.. seeing as it’s Mother’s Day today (Happy Mother’s Day btw), I couldn’t have chosen a more opportune moment to write about this topic – that first child. This is a topic on which I’ve had various discussions with my friends. It’s no shocker that these days, unlike the past, people aren’t popping kids the tenth month after their marriage (for the international readers, having kids out of wedlock in India is considered illegitimate and is highly frowned upon). Instead they choose to get to know their spouses in new light even if they knew them from before. They discover living together, make plans for the future, including financial stability amongst other things in preparation of bringing new life onto the Earth. But that’s typical of this generation, I would imagine. Of course, I understand that there are different reasons for children being born as well - “accidental” babies and all those not-so-flattering instances when kids are conceived for a variety of reasons other than truly wanting them – to repair a marriage, caving to parental pressure, to become the center of attention,  to spice up the marriage by adding a new dimension, to name a few. Sounds bizarre? Believe me, I’ve heard about it happen, outside of the soaps on TV. And as much as it sounds like 10 months conception time is a decent period of time to prepare for the new arrival, unless you are mentally ready, you’re probably not. These pearls of wisdom have been given to me by the newer generation. The older generation steadfastly believes in the “sooner the better” strategy. And for them, reproduction formed the core of family life. In our day and age, we seem to have added a lot more dimensions to our personal happiness and satisfaction and I know while everyone would love to have a child eventually, no one wants them right away. For one, it’s too much of added responsibility to the already being married thing. And in the past, for us Indians at least, it seemed easier said and easier done because of the large joint families and the plenty of childcare experience that ran with it. The women were largely homemakers and had plenty of guidance from the mothers and the MILs alike and in fact had hands-on assistance from other relatives and maids alike. Raising a child was a family responsibility as far as it went. And consequently the dads just had to entertain the kids when they were in good humor while the mommies got stuck with the diapers (previously just loin cloths I assume) and 3 hour feeding sessions. These days it’s an even deal and the Daddy had better pitch in for almost every responsibility to make it easier on the typically working Mommy, considering that the families lived away from homes and with visa restrictions and stuff, it wasn’t possible to have help on hand more than a couple of months at a stretch.

Everyone can agree that this is one change that is truly life-altering. It is so important to respect the fact that you are bringing in a new life to this world that is totally helpless and dependent on you for everything. While in short thinking it might seem as an excellent camouflage to get that attention from the husband/family or to stop those incessant fights amongst couples or to even stop having those unpleasant conversations with the grand old ladies who tell you they won’t live to cradle their great grandchild in their arms, it’s the most important thing to realize that the child needs to be born(e) because you want him/her, not because of anything else. Listen only to yourself.

On a different note, Happy mothering to all my expectant friends. :)

This post marks the 500th for MindBlogging! Cheers, MindBlogging!

Mommy's mates

For as long as I remember, I don't recollect my mother having friends of her own and that was a shocking truth given her fantastic networking skills. Rather, all her "friends" were either related to her by marriages (her own and of her brothers, etc) or they were the wives of my dad's friends/colleagues or the moms of my friend's or my brother's. She never seemed to have a social circle of her own and it seemed very strange to me while I was in college and in the thick of friends and was in that phase where I couldn't live without sharing some news with a special few. And then I wondered how my mother could bear to lose touch with her friends. People she studied with and created allegiances with, of her own accord.

Now, after being married and sitting in a continent different from all my friends and family, it's easier to see why. All that pride and joy we took in branding one another as 'Friends for life' while slapping on the friendship bands in that immature phase, using the umpteen ears as sounding boards for the most ridiculous conversations, abusing the corporate Airtel numbers to make conference calls, slumber parties... weep fests, you name it, and we'd had it. While the Friendship has stood the test of time thus far, the same cannot be said of it's intensity. Sure, it's very easy to pick up where we left off and gab on for hours like giggly teenagers but that happens so less often that while it is special when it does, it pales in comparison to anything that we shared before. What did you expect, what with time zones, a crazy work schedule, couple time, personal time and social commitments, it's little wonder that we get to speak to our treasured friends all across the Globe. And if you take Amma's case, throw in a couple of kids and you have pandemonium. I guess the most important thing though, that contributed to my mom losing in touch with her friends was the unavailability of the technology that we have these days. With most of us having immediate access to email all the time when we are awake, we still find it hard to keep in touch. No wonder then, that back in those days when people had to use postal letters as an alternative to expensive STD/ISD cards to communicate, the urge and the frequency of these communications dwindled and ended with less than a whimper. It also goes to show how her marriage has moulded my mom's life. While it worked for her, I cannot imagine what I would do without my support circle (with whom I hope to keep in touch with for life). Kudos to Amma! (Advance Happy Mother's Day)
And Happy Birthday ML :)