Lowering the bar

Being in my mid-20s means that I have many many friends that are getting married/got married recently or are in the phase where they are partner hunting... ok you get the idea. Having been through the phase myself and still in touch with many of the eligible bachelor/bachelorettes, I have tried to understand what seems to be the most important characteristic that these people look for in their potential partners. Of course it is different for different people. While secure jobs and charming personalities make the list in most cases, still others are a bit more superficial like physical appearances and similar tastes in movies. Of course certain things may matter more to some than some others. For instance, while I think movies is an area that can be compromised either ways, someone else may see it as a deal-breaker if their partner cannot enjoy similar movies which they tend to interpret as their possible lone-time being split. To each one, their own. However, what struck me through this whole discussion was how the bar just went down when it was subject to an object of their affection. Almost everyone who’s still single and looking to mingle has had a crush or something more on someone else in the past. Amusingly, none of those people were of the “perfect” characteristics that are now being sought in the potential partner by all of them. For example, one of my friends was insistent about marrying a “tall'” guy. But I also happened to know that she had fallen for someone who was of average height earlier. And this to me was a clear sign that this particular expectation could immediately be done away with as a necessary ‘checkbox’ in the already tedious mating dance. If she ended up with a tall guy in the end, great… but there was no reason to ‘reject’ another perfectly great guy just because he wasn’t tall enough. Now substitute “tall” with any of the many many, sometimes odd expectations that people have of their partner, be it being well-travelled or having a “good vocabulary”. The reason I don’t necessarily see these as flaws is that there are no consistent definitions for these examples and they vary from person to person. And these are just some of the perks that I’ve witnessed as deal-breakers. Sure we all have that one big pet peeve and while that’s best avoided in our partners, surely, some of the lesser significant ones can be easily worked with. While one could unknowingly lower the bar for a previous object of affection, a person they didn’t even end up with, why can’t they lower the bar knowingly for someone they could end up with? Or is it the thought of settling for someone lesser than they ‘wanted’ dissatisfying? Or is it that they all think that there is someone better out there? Maybe it’s a combination of everything. But ultimately, as time passes, the bar steadily goes down, one peg at a time. Time sure levels out practically everything. Interesting, isn’t it?

Time is Galleons!

Note: Title courtesy J.K.Rowling

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a stickler for punctuality. Indeed, pompous as it may sound, I’ve NEVER been late to anything if it was left just to me. Sure, leave it to my friends like VR, and we’ve gotten a one hour window. Sorry VR. But I’ve honestly had more disagreements with most people because I’ve been on time and they haven’t than otherwise. Funnily, though I’ve learned to adjust my expectations of people based on previous statistics, it still doesn’t stop me from keeping time to any place. Take VR again… I know that she’ll be anywhere from 15-45 minutes late to the appointed hour. And I’ll still be there at the hour hoping against hope that she proves herself wrong and shocks me. It’s yet to happen and being continents apart doesn’t help her case. Lol.

As with anything, most people expect from others what they do themselves. Just like a straightforward person would expect frankness from the other person too, a punctual person expects punctuality from the other person. And if you’re anything like me, it irritates the wits out of me if people don’t value my time. And of course they needn’t know that I wouldn’t have anything better to do than the pre-discussed activity. Even still… the least I expect is a phone call giving me a window of anticipation time. Many of my friends find this amusing and in my time at UC, I’ve been asked “What’s the big deal?” a few million times to my snappy retorts to a late-comer. But old habits die hard. Here S and his gang have a habit of sounding eons ahead than they really are. For instance, one would say that they were at the destination train station while in reality they were at their own doorstep locking up. While it took time to adjust, I find it amusing all the same because everyone knows the other isn’t exactly being realistic. And it seems to work for them.

Where time really matters is in a professional environment, I suppose. When you have deadlines to meet, tasks to complete, every minute that you procrastinate or promise to deliver has an impact on the final schedule. Which is why I think it’s just practice that makes perfect and hence keeping time with even your friends can help in doing it where it really matters, right? Some food for thought?