Ringing true...

I just read a whole bunch of posts on Slate's Prudence column about a guy who had some doubts as to whether he had to shell out a lot of cash to get his girlfriend an engagement ring which she demanded be of a certain size. And it set me thinking... about this whole western culture of having to give something, usually a ring, usually expensive, to sort of seal the deal when the guy proposes. And of course I thought of it in the Indian context. These days however, I have heard of more Indian "proposals" (maybe without rings) than foreign ones and this can be attributed to the following facts - (a) I know more Indians, so duh... (b) Indians have modernized, embracing the western culture along the way and (c) Indians are marrying foreigners and hence the twist in the traditional tale.

Traditionally, India being the land of arranged marriages has had lesser opportunity for men and women to truly discover one another before one feels compelled to pop the question. Rather the meeting is arranged in context of an eventual wedding and hence there used to be no proposals of sorts. On the other hand, this whole ring deal is only something we've heard of from the westerners and we either want to mimic it and feel special or just think it's a fair deal... after all we are spending the rest of our lives with them. But pause a second for a reverse-case scenario... if the guy demanded even the least-expensive car (no, not the Tata Nano, something a tad more expensive) from us, we'd be running high and dry complaining about dowry, anti-feminist sentiments and what not. So why is it okay for the woman to be entitled to lets face it, something terribly expensive and not too useful while the men have to buy us that (especially in this day and age of self publicized and demanded gender equality?) Wait.. what was that? For social norms, you say? Ah... here is the crux of so many of our problems. The social norms... what society expects from us and how we are fulfilling those expectations. And it's all unfortunately way too true in the good old Indian society, where the new generation is surging on par with the whole modern theme while the older generations (well, most of them) are comfortably ensconced in their antediluvian beliefs of how things should be.

Social norms. These were made back in the day when the man was the sole breadwinner. And so if he wasn't buying the woman jewelry, no one was. Come this day... women making as much money as men, contributing to household incomes, are fully capable of buying themselves whatever it is that they want. However, while they would splurge on clothes, handbags and other jewelry, they're never going to buy themselves an engagement ring when you propose. And say what to the friends? He proposed and so I went and got myself a ring? Never... that's just not in our DNA, I guess... there's no other explanation for this. And it doesn't even sound right. Does it? 

There are these couples who'd rather put in the money that it costs for an engagement ring into something more meaningful and can be enjoyed by both people - like a trip or a down payment to a home or something like that. That makes most sense, perhaps. And what do you do when the people ask you where your ring is? One great option is to ask them to MTOB but if you were the one for that, you'd have done it a long time ago.. On the other hand, if there are men with money to spare and have all the right romantic bones, go for the ring. You simply can't deny, practical or not, no woman would say "no" to being wooed.

PS: I have more apathy against social norms for sooo many other things in your everyday Indian society. Wait for those posts.

The Ring

No no.. This is not one of those horror movie reviews or a praise of the Lord of the Rings or anything like that! This is something that really happened and drove my cousin nuts and indirectly, well controlled my own life for the possible 3 hour obsession.

So it happened that I used to have an amethyst studded sterling silver ring which I used to wear on my right middle finger (no intentions though I have fantasized showing the finger in the process of showing people my beautiful ring - wicked me! :)) It turned out to be pretty lucky - don't ask me why I think all this jewelry stuff has a lot of luck attached to it. I have been told by preachers that diamonds are real luck deciders - either they are reaaaaaal lucky or they aren't. Luckily the one(s) I have ended up with have been good for me. Ok to cut the long story short, this ring over the couple of years that I have worn it lost each amethyst steadily and soon was barren and poverty-stricken so much so that people asked me alll the time - "What happened to the ring?" I also have another funda that if you dropped the used ring into a river (not lake, not sea, not well, you get it, not any other waterbody), a wish made alongside would come true. So you must be thinking Ohio River was the lucky one - nope, not that murky river! Some river did get the blessing and I sure hope my dreams come true!

Anyways, so while I was at New Orleans, we got into Claire's (sure every woman in America knows of it) and saw this sterling silver ring ( a li'l thicker than I wanted.. but the right color and with very few stones likely to fall). I tried it on my left hand, same finger and with the tie-wrap around it it was a snug fit. I asked for my cousin's opinion and got the green signal and bought it! I was excited!! I had been missing playing with this ring ever since I foolishly threw it away and no sooner was I out the store, I ripped the tie-wrap off and tried it on my right hand. Imagine my horror when it just wouldn't go through! Frantically, I took off the ring from my left middle finger and tried it. It was a snug fit. Thats when the biological mess struck me. The right hand, being my primary hand was a fraction larger than the left. I had never noticed it till I got this horrendous confirmation now.. Sob sob..

So we got home... me midly heartbroken and my cousin unaware of what was going to hit her. We'd rented a bunch of movies to watch over dinner and I played "Beyond Borders". All along, I didnt realize I was doing it, but apparently I was subconsciously fiddling my three rings amongst the 6 fingers (leave out the thumb n pinkie) I could. And also I was slowly dawning into the realization that this was bugging my cousin and she was throwing me these intermittent doleful glances. But I couldn't stop it! It was almost like I was possessed and I kept trying them in combinations that made me unhappy that my ring finger of my left hand remained occupied. (It indicates engagement, you know?!?) And I uttered the dialogue that she is unlikely to forget.

"I understand how Frodo must've felt..."

The look of exasperation on her face left me in peals of laughter and was worth every cent I paid for the ring. When I told her that I was dissatisfied with the arrangement the rings were finding on my fingers without me feeling like tearing it out and that I was thus going to leave it behind for her, I got the paisa vasool factor from her 'Are-you-really-now?' face. And when I told her my ring and river theory, I gauged that if I left the poor ring behind, it would probably feel itself flushed down the potty.

I herded it back. It is now sitting somewhere on our front room divan. Soon, I am going to have to decide its future... Maybe it will just hang around my neck as a weird locket on my gold chain... who knows!

PS: That pic is not really The Ring. I shall put up its own pretty pic soon!