Broken faith?

When I suddenly think back to some things that I tend to do, I realize that I have accepted certain things without question. These have been imbibed into me from when I was very little and though I probably don't know the premise of the evolved action, I haven't bothered to question it at all. For instance, the thottu-othifying - the practice of touching something with your fingers (typically of the right hand) and brushing them across your eyelids in an action of seeking pardon. For instance if you step on a book (which represents Goddess Saraswati or knowledge, no matter if it is indeed your Chemistry textbook or instead a trashy movie tabloid), you do the action of thottu-othifying to absolve the wrongness of the deed. You see? Similarly I have unquestionably followed in the typical Hindu faith of Idol worship. And no I am not ashamed of being "backward" nor do I question the power of that faith... when one stands in front of an idol, bowed by faith, and with an almost conversational plea in front of God, I think it's empowering. Especially to believe in an "upper cosmic force", something that can change things for you the way you yourself can't.

However, the purpose for this post was none of that. While cleaning the Swami Shelf (the cabinet that holds all my Godly possessions) yesterday, I came across a broken idol of Pillayar (Ganesha). It must've broken perhaps when we moved or something. And of course I felt inexplicably sad. I also felt that this shelf was not the right place to keep the idol anymore. Instead I decided to do a Visarjan (submerging the God's idol in a water body to represent the cycle of life and death) and ended up submerging the idol in the river Marne near my house. Why? Again one of those things that was put in your head for time immemorial. Did the idol lose its power? Did I stop believing in its power now that it had broken? Did I believe that the God wasn't happy there anymore? I don't know as a matter of fact and I only did what felt right. Was it right? Was I cheapo to purportedly banish the idol away? Again, I don't know. Was the faith broken? Not exactly. I believed that the idol would rather return to the water than be displayed out there in my Swami Shelf. Ok before I start sounding any closer to butterfly net territory, let me leave it as one of those things - to each one, his own. And in matters of faith, it is whatever that works for each one.