Note: The following is written in light vein. I have nothing against the process of arranged marriage. This is just a personal view of the modern transformation of the traditional arranged marriage.
I don't think your parents like it too much if you are single and happy and importantly, a girl at 24 . I mean, they do the best they can to pretend they are really ok with the situation and that they will give you "all the time in the world that you require" to deal with it... But in reality, they aren't ok and at best, "all the time in the world" is about 2 months before the topic is broached again.
I have had my share of 'putting it away', of making thesis the biggest burden that humanity saw, of claiming 'I dont have the time for all this 'nonsense''. I held on to this for quite sometime. My parents were really better off than many others I know. But they weren't really different. I dont know about the other communities, but if you TamBrahm, you are likely to know that 'The Hindu' Matrimony and tamilmatrimony are your sworn enemies with huge listings of all the eligible people in the required caste. Having done the procedure through and through for a close relative, I am very familiar with the 'chevvai doshams', and what nakshatram wont go with what and all other stuff, which I dont know why, people believe in. I guess its just a filter, an excuse to use, a weapon importantly. Instead of blatantly saying that your daughter didnt like their son's looks, you'd rather polishedly say -"Oh, with our astrologer, the horoscopes didnt match". That beats all reason. How.. how can 2 horoscopes produce different results with different astrologers? Where then is the credibility for the process??? Given a choice, I'd avert all this for sure! I mean, PLEASE!
Then comes the unavoidable close relative circle, the people you really like, your mamas-mamis, athais-athimbers, chithis-chitappas (ok u get the picture!) They're all oh-so-great, till you're a girl at 24 and unmarried! Then all you get is - "Eppo settle aaga pore?" - *(@$)&$)@*$_)@*_
If only we knew! Then back to your parents who get after you to create a 'profile' in tammatrimony... For the life of me, I am doing no such thing... This at the moment is a state-of-denial almost. But thats where it will be..
The whole process is just that - a process.. with so much propriety involved... 2 families involved - all their hopes on your 'alliance'. The steps in the process -
1) Email
2) Phone call
3) Webcam chat
4) Meet the boy/girl
5) One day later -- 'Enaku indha payyan/ponnu ok' - (*&^%^&$&_{(*_{)(&(@&
HOW?????????? Most people I know answer that question by the usual - "When your time comes, you will know". Thats sooo not helpful at all. I swear now, that when my 'time' comes and I 'know', I will publicize it to help the helpless like me! Lol!
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9 years ago
18 comments:
Cheers Ram!
yes jaya.....this post is sooooo true.....and well no guesses for y i commented.....
Being in the same boat...I totally empathize with you. Only I would have had to write more about BM.com experiences and people constantly quipping,"It's about time you get married."
jaya...
from someone who has been through it all..
yes, it doesnt make any sense
or it seems not to..
and yet...well...its one of those things that we do :)
the process can be intensely frustrating..but at the end of it all..you can look behind and have a mighty good laugh:)
well...when the time comes, you WILL know :)
Hey Jaya..that's so true..you just spoke my mind! It beats me how we are expected to make probably the biggest decision in life this way!
i thought the order was like this:
1) Email
2) Phone call(only one allowed- sometimes even criminal convicts get two)
3) One day later -- 'Enaku indha payyan/ponnu ok' - (*&^%^&$&_{(*_{)(&(@&
4) Get engaged
5) Webcam chat/phone call as much as u want
6) Meet the boy/girl- maybe once, in a secretive manner, usually accompanied by a parent(relatives shudnt know; doesnt include the secretive meets the couple arrange on their own without the parents knowing ;) )
in any case, i wudnt dare make fun of the process for i might have to resign to it some day :P
i empathise with all female community who had/have/will face such situations. when it comes to ponnu paakkal, i think both boy and girl will be equally uncomfortable.
Ram - Having seen the order with some friends, I can tell you it oscillates between the 2 options... both equally bad, what say?
Aravind - Thanks for the empathy ;)
I am Against arranged marriage for a long time..As u said Astrology is just an excuse..i know little bit about Horoscope matching and all..i dont believe in it...if 2 horoscopes match and 2 minds did not then what is that mean???..so think and find ur partner rightly...
Is this anonymous the same person as the one who wrote in my "apparation" wala entry?
Translations please ...
I know they would break the flow of the blog entry but the punch is lost without them :)
My thoughts on electronic paper, from a guy's perspective that is.
Idhula inooru complication theryuma..You might actually hit off well in those 30 minutes..Abs great chemistry (She may like urlakezhangu too - like him, he will also like pink color - like her, he cant believe she also likes NDTV Profit to Kolangal serial, She is pleasantly surprised that he cooks well)
And when they get married
1. He figures out she has more mush than him
2. She finds that he can snore better than a bear
3. He finds she has a clumsy way of walking
4. She finds he can't tell be between romance and sex. Its all three letters whichever way
5. He finds she buys her clothes from pondy bazaar still
6. She finds he never uses the flush
Appapa..am petrified at the possibility of these happening.You know how I ward of marriage threats..
Amma..am shifting job in 6 months..Pondati varadhukula car vanganum..If I move to a new job I need to sta for 6 months,steady the ship and then get married.
Idhu minimum 1 year marriage vacation idea and can postpone indefenitely :-)
Ash, dumbo... Idhuku dhaan unaku arranged marriage vendaamnu sonna kekaraya?? Edhavadhu pannu na adhuvum panna maatengara.. This is for other poor mortals unlike u with options! Lol... Think about it! :)
"This at the moment is a state-of-denial almost"
Can't put it better than that.
Thanks Freeavedu! Naan freeyavitachu :)
You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it » »
Thanks, all you guys... Keep visiting.
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